Day...15 or Something!

Day 15:

This whole day to day basic, its not all that it's cracked up to be. Its a lot harder than it looks for one, and for two, the little bit of time that I do have I'm usually spending it with Justin. Working a full time job at the age of 17 is not easy. Its hard to get motivation for sure. And for the most part I'm so out energy that it causes tension in the house. 

I love coming home at the end of day, always looking forward to Foster (our dog) being so happy to see me, and making my way upstairs to find Justin all smiles. It is truly what I live for. But with that beening said, being loving and having a positive attitude is hard to do.

I dont have much to say this morning, but I want to express my grief on how relationships are not easy. It takes so much energy and dedication that most people lose as the relationship goes on.. The motivation is not just necessarily from one partner, it takes both to make a relationship work. And that's essential. But you have to keep one thing in your head to make things work, and that is, its not about whose winning, or whose right or why you other is wrong. But its about loving and letting the negative things on.. Keeping them inside is the most unhealthy way to keep a relationship afloat. Keep that in mind next time something happens or something takes a turn.

Day Two:

(Night)

I couldn't go all night without making some kind of post about how my night just goes to hell. It's not necessarily Justin's fault, but in my head I do think that it is his fault. But all in actuality, it's partially my fault too. I feel like sometimes things are blown WAY out of proportion, regardless of what the case may be. Take tonight for instance, to Justin, being home in a couple means an hour. And I thought being somewhere, where I haven't been exposed to my close friends in god knows how long, that me going to multiple places would be alright. I decided to stay longer than I have originally thought. But that lead to Justin having some sort of problem because I flip flopped somehow. But anyways, it's the fact that I don't get to see my friends on a regular bases like he does, and when I'm in the position to see mine, I want to take all advantage. The difference in his friends and him, are that he gets to see them almost on a daily bases... And to me that isn't necessarily fair. But hell, life's not fair, right? It's just stupid little petty things. And things like this is what I hold grudges for.... And that's NOT okay.. But I don't know how to approach this is an adult manor:(

Day two Continued..

Day Two:

(Evening)

I know that usually in the morning I'm all in high spirits, but usually as the day continues, there is one thing or another that makes my anxiety level sore! I goes from my drive to school, to my grades in school. 99.9% of the time my grades in school are for the most part above average. And it doesn't matter the situation or whats going on, if I cant grasp something on the first time, I have a million thoughts running through my head on how horrible I'm doing in school, and usually that doesn't work for me.

 

But on a lighter note, this is probably the first time in months that I've come home and just sat down without any regrets or negative feelings, but only happy thoughts! So that's a win-win  for me! A lot of the times I come home and worry about whats going to happen that night, or where my next tank of gas is coming from, or how i'm supposed to have something complete and its not yet done.. Coincidentally enough, for the most part, I'm ahead of schedule, and for me to be ahead of schedule that says a lot, and makes me very happy. So I'm in extremely high spirits that my day stays this positive. Off to my 3rd interview for Chick-Fil-A on 92!! Getting this job would put the icing on the cake!

Day Two

Day Two:

(Morning)

Starting my day off on the right foot isn't always the easiest thing to do. Getting up, making coffee and breakfast is my push to make sure he has all he needs for his morning to start. I want nothing more than to make sure he is taken care of and ready on time. We both push each other to do what we need to do, to get things done. We may not be the richest or the poorest person out there, but we make our life fortunate.  Doing things for each other and telling each other how much you appreciate what the other does is IMPERATIVE. I must admit, I'm not always the one being appreciative and that is one huge thing I need to start working. 

After getting his day started, then it becomes my obligation to start my day. Making sure he has what he needs makes me push to do what I have to do. As much as I hate getting ready and eating by myself, I try to tell myself that in the long run, its ALL worth it. No matter how good or bad the morning is, I always have that selfish feeling in my stomach making me think of something Negative. Its the hardest thing to do, to think of something positive. Although I know I have thousands of good and positive thoughts  all it takes is one negative thought and none of the others matter anymore. And that is not the way to go... I need to trust more, love stronger, and push harder. So hopefully my next confrontation I can work on being loving and less negative. 

Day one:

Day one:

Relationships, there not the easiest thing In the world to figure out. I've had my share of failures and my share of success. But if there is one thing I do know for sure, its that I'm not the easiest person to love. I try my hardest to keep my head above water, and do all the things that in my head are right. Seems to me, that everyday there is something that I do wrong, no matter what it is, I think in my head that its always me. But the truth is, its my insecurities. I maybe only 18, but I do know an ample amount about how selfish one can be. On a day to day bases, there are always things that piss me off or make me sad or upset. And I try my absolute hardest to redirect my mind. And usually its over something that I shouldn't even be worrying about. I accuse and question so much that it makes my insides melt if I dont ask the questions that I have lingering in my head. Even though I have those negative thoughts in my head,  I still know deep down what I have is real and the best. But the thing is, I get so upset over the littlest things. Things that shouldn't even matter. I question things that shouldn't be questioned and I assume things that don't need to be assumed. Because the majority of the time, I'm proven wrong. And the part that I need to remember the most when having those negative thoughts, are that no matter what happens....I'll come home everyday to a house that I know is completely ours. I suffocate myself in thoughts that only I can get rid of...But I'm to scared to let those thoughts go without answers....Answers that deep down, I know are true, and faithful. But every little thing that happens, makes me worry that much more. I ask myself "Why?" so many times, that I've finally figured out why. Its because I'm so scared to loose the one and only thing that I cherish the most, the one thing that I think about when I wake up, to the time that I lay my head down at night. But all-in-all, the one piece of the puzzle in my life, is finally fit into place. But its my choice to keep it that way. And the only way to keep it that way, is to keep that optimistic mind open. That's the key part in making the most important part of life, worth it.